I can still remember how she felt in my small belly, how she used to put a smile on my face when I was feeling down. The feeling that No man can take away from me, I fell pregnant at 20 and I though my world felt crashed I didn't know how much joy and fulfilment it would bring in my life, now I am 26, six years later and I have nothing but dancing butterflies in my belly. I look at me and look at her and still don't see me in her, (baby carrier) but her heart her warmth remind me so much of myself, her beautiful eyes her charm her sweetness like Turkish all tell a story about my princess.
For the passed 6years all I've been doing or rather trying was to love her right, raise her well, treat her like the princess she is, I've spent 6years being a Mom to her trying to build her, give her the best out of nothing because in my head something kept on ringing saying these are the full 6years I can have control over, she depends on me, better yet I'm her world :) that's what I've been doing for her. For the past six years I've been building a world that even I didn't know or understand, though my instincts led me I trusted and believed that I'm doing it right.
look I take so much pride in what I've done alone (brings me to tears) whilst my pears where chasing their degrees buying cars all I could think of was her, how do I go focus on that? when she just came into the world into my bear arms?? how do I just forget that she needs me more then that degree, I know it sounds stupid but I lost focus when I got her, I was blessed with a beautiful soul and nothing mattered but her. I had no desire for anything but her. when she was born there was a song on radio Alicia Keys NO One that song confirmed what God had just placed in my care that No one Can get in the way of what I'm feeling, It felt deep and no matter how hard I tried God had just in trusted me with a big assignment and no one would get in the way. It mattered not what was going on around me I just wanted to get it right, placed all my energies on her, enjoyed every min, family and friends loving her, she was mine all mine,. God placed Heaven in my hands and I had to make sure that I took good care of it my way.
"No One"
I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel
I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try, try to divide, something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there ain't no one
No one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Those lyrics speak volume of how I feel about little Heaven. so I took it upon myself to raise her the best way I could and knew how but everyday she turned out better and better grew up fast before I knew it she was saying Mama, crawling, walking and talking :) the joy of motherhood. yes six was so quick I promise you nothing grows fast like a baby you blink you will defiantly miss her important mile stones. because I was determined not to miss a thing I didn't miss a thing :) a #motherslove!
I knew it would only get better and better and it did, she looked into my eyes and she trusted me and I looked into her eyes and I promised. it was like I was under a spell took her everywhere with me, Alicia even says in her song that people go around searching the world, what heaven and I have its an amazing feeling words cannot describe. maybe I painted the sky blue and looked in the sky and imagined what Heaven is like and I liked what I had painted, my greatest creation really was you #Heaven :) God makes no mistakes but I made a few, but I made it through I tried to beat myself up for making you at that age but each time I looked at you I couldn't imagine life without you. the most beautiful girl in the world your are magic and yes you are a child of my destiny.
I lived my dreams with you, because you stayed the same, only god knows how long it will take for me to rich my destiny, everything may me rushing on me, and some things may be slow but I know where I'm going with you, your are my destiny, I will give you my life, just so I can see that immaculate smile.
and now you have turned 6 and have graduated from pre-school loved every minute of it. I learned so much about myself through you baby girl, and I now understand what self realisation is because of you. God held our hands and we are here, all grown up both of us, now you can decide that you don't want jam but you want butter, its all about finding you but I want to keep walking with you till the end of time because you are my "Person". BIG SMILE
My proud moments in 2013 :) I felt as though God was rewarding me for loving you sooo much because your graduation and your concert said to me mommy and daughter you guys have done it! my heart skipped a beat and I smiles you smiled and everything was perfect your are perfect little one :)
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL 2014
SPEECHLESS...
The whole day I tried to find words I tried to describe the feeling. but yes your mom was lost for words but I thought of a song that best described what was happening within me...
speechless buy the late Micheal Jackson the song I played all day. here r the lyrics :)
"Speechless"
Your love is magical, that's how I feel
But I have not the words here to explain
Gone is the grace for expressions of passion
But there are worlds and worlds of ways to explain
To tell you how I feel
But I am speechless, speechless
That's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am far away and nothing is for real
When I'm with you I am lost for words, I don't know what to say
My head's spinning like a carousel, so silently I pray
Helpless and hopeless, that's how I feel inside
Nothing's real, but all is possible if God is on my side
When I'm with you I am in the light where I cannot be found
It's as though I am standing in the place called Hallowed Ground
Speechless, speechless, that's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am far away and nothing is for real
I'll go anywhere and do anything just to touch your face
There's no mountain high I cannot climb
I'm humbled in your grace
Speechless, speechless, that's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am lost for words and nothing is for real
Speechless, speechless, that's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am far away, and nothing is for real
Speechless, speechless, that's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am lost for words and nothing is for real
speechless Your love is magical, that's how I feel
But in your presence I am lost for words
Words like, "I love you."
Its like rocking to music and you just asking the DJ not to stop the music because one can escape into the music, I love music it describes and tells a story of how that person is feeling, music talks a lot of volume when you grow up you will get. but take this blog as words that have not been spoken, love life humble yourself, trust your instincts follow your heart. and I know a place you can always run to in times of distress confusion and fear when the enemy surrounds you your God is with you, he will protect you in his shadow of his wings you will find relief he will hold you and guide you with his righteous hand in the shadow of his wings I promise you baby girl you will find rest and peace of mind.
Mommy diary's
God is love
